All Systems are Goofy

It’s going all right. The getting up early and taking care of myself a bit is good. I had a sickness that knocked me off course for a couple days, but I am right back. So, it’s going well.

The list is long. I have a lot in the pipeline and it’s ckoking up on the back end- the editing. There have been some interesting snafus and personnel changes, but there is one constant- me showing up to the work. I feel that I am only getting better at that.

So, the website store is opening soon.

The Questioning Catholic podcast has two shows in the can. We are looking at starting another website (don’t worry, the hub will always be here) and a delivery system for that.

Better Than That has a new editor.

TV show has 2 editors.

Follow up movie is half written.

Play is 3/4 written.

New songs are happening.

I am playing live this Friday.

Let’s call that it for now. It isn’t all, but the rest has to materialize more.

I’m Trying Some Things

I'm doing great. How are you?

I’m doing great. How are you?

I wait for change. I think a lot of us do. I have to build up and get my mind right before getting to it.

My broken toe this last July was an annoying and sobering incident. But let’s go back a bit more…

In April of last year,  I somehow herniated my L4. In the short, eternal week that followed, I went from asking for the least amount of pain medication available and, you know, maybe just a muscle relaxant to a visit to the emergency room where the only relief to be had was a shot of morphine. That changed my perspective. I will say that the walk from the house to the car, and the car ride to the hospital…well, that’s the most painful trip I can remember taking. I have a great doctor that helped me get my back into some form of human shape. I avoided surgery and dodged a bullet. My doctor said it’s now. There wouldn’t be a later if I wanted to keep walking. I vowed that change was coming. As soon as I was cleared for the gym, I was ready.

I adopted a new eating plan and a workout routine. The results were pretty swift. Within five weeks, I lost twelve pounds, but more important, I shed inches in important places and gained them in other important spots. It was awesome. I was on my way.

I should mention that part of the lasting symptoms or side effects of the nerve damage from the L4 were shooting pains in two specific body parts. The first spot was my left testicle. I am certain that my doubling over in pain while conducting one of my high school choirs was hilarious. On this end, I was suffering for those laughs like a good clown. Thankfully, blessedly, this pain subsided after a couple of months.

The other spot, my big left toe, has not gone felt the same relief. It was brutal. Just pure, crippling, electrical shock from time to time. If anyone touched it, I wold just howl. It was ridiculous.

Even more ridiculous is that is the idea of dropping a forty-five pound weight on the toe, and only that toe. It ended my awesome reign in the gym. The pain of the drop, while horrible, was brief. I finished my work out because I didn’t imagine my toe was broken. I’d never broken anything before. Long story a bit shorter, the toe was indeed broken and it hobbled me for an embarrassing amount of time for such a little appendage. It made the twelve hour car ride to Boise the next day really interesting. There was concern that I would need surgery on the toe. Luckily, it smashed pretty cleanly.

The only picture that is safe for the squeamish.

The only picture that is safe for the squeamish.

Sorry, this is all over the map.

I kept going to work on that toe, but not working out. I kept writing. We filmed the tv pilot on that toe. The work kept me sane, but I was flirting with depression after making those physical strides.

Anyway…

I’m back to it. Finally.

Eating plan.

Yoga every morning.

Meditation every morning (151 days running).

Gym after school every day.

This isn’t a scheme. It can’t be.

I can’t afford schemes.

I can only have this be how I live now.

I am excited because I am walking around with this secret. I know what I am doing what I need to do. I know that it may not show now or in the near future, but it is bound to down the road. There will only be more strength and flexibility and hope and life.

More to come.

Much more.

 

Damn You, Theatre! or Just When I Thought I Was Out…

BAck window

I was invited to lead an audition workshop at The University of Great Falls this weekend. I agreed because, well, I don’t know why I agreed. To be honest, in my head, I have recently felt that,  outside of my own original work, I might be done with theatre for awhile. The reasons for that are many and varied, valid and childish. I find that when I am listing a lot of reasons for any given thing in my life, that there is some hurt there. Regardless the reasons, I just had a sense of being burned out.

Burned out.

No interest. Not now.

Not for awhile.

So, the workshop was a job. I have worked at the University of Great Falls before and I really do enjoy and admire the direction that it is going right now. I always want to help people that are TRYING. However, the burned out thing was giving me the mind set that I would be in and out to make some bucks and to keep my directing skills and vocabulary up. Maybe I was just seeing if it made any sense to me any more. I don’t know.

Emerging

Anyway, I spent the evening with willing artists. Through this, I felt some light come through the cracks. I had crazy ideas and every one of these artists, well, they tried them. They said yes. And cool things happened. It is the best kind of fun. It’s why I fell in love with theatre, those moments, that work.

So, fist shakes at you, you darn UGF kids. Get off my arm! How dare you make me have fun! How dare you make me care!

Thank you.

Keeping It in My Heart Year Round

 

January 17. Yep.

January 17. Yep.

That’s right. It’s still up. I leave it up, not only to annoy my friends and neighbors, but also because we are filming the last scene of the movie tomorrow. We knew we wanted Bruce to grow a lot and we knew we wanted the movie to end with hope. I think it will and I know he has. Much more will be written about that soon.

I played my first gig of 2017 this last Thursday at The Celtic Cowboy. It felt good to sing it out again, especially after sickness and lasting tired. It’s like taking an old car out on the highway-gotta blow it out a bit. Let it run.

I sang at two funerals this last week. I had personal connections to both of the families. It makes it harder to sing, but it is more important to do the job. I don’t have words of wisdom in the face of such loss, but I have this voice. I can only use it.

The cold snap from December 1, 2016- January 12, 2017 was, according to the news, the coldest snap on record. Colder than 1965 by an average of one half of a degree, colder than any record. So, winter has been winter.

It feel likes I am building. It feels like the gears are slowly working up again. The making mode builds. I can feel it. As I build, as I gear up, I am attempting better work, always.

How can I do it better?

How can I get the right members of the team and how can we work with more precision and clarity?

How can I put my talents to “best use”?

How can I know which whim is best to follow? How do I discern?

I had a question posed to me this week. It was about the last time I did not do as well as I wanted. It asked how I would do things differently in the future, based on experience. This is always a reflection of mine, but it is especially focused at year’s end and start.

The last time I failed, it had to do with a lack of commitment from some of the team and a personal issue of not listening to the nagging doubts in my head and heart. My energy is enough to pound through a project, but there is a cost. A very high recovery cost to me.

There is only room for a passionate “yes” anymore.

A “hell yes!”

Anything else costs too much.

Start ‘Er Up!

A little piece of peace.

A little piece of peace.

I broke my record today. Up until this, the 7th day of our Lord 2017, I had dwelled in only two places: Home and work. My attendance at work could be called spotty, too. Sick. Bronchitis. Lasting. lingering, New-Year’s-Eve-party-cancelling, sleep-18-hours-a-day sick. Well, today, I added a third locale to this list: church. Or, as I call it, Work 2:Electric Boogaloo.

Yay!

I am feeling better, sick-wise. I accomplished my goal of slowing down. Then, my body said, “Deeper!” and gave me the plague to make it so. Fair enough. I upped my meds and rest (and meditation when awake) and sank deeper into the do-nothing. It was good.

But, I am ready.

I am ready to get the new schedule together.

For editing.

For podcasting.

For writing.

For more than I am willing to write right now.

Let’s do it!

Happy New Year!

Break time’s over.

Fill ‘Er Up

I saw it. I got it. I enjoy it.

I saw it. I got it. I enjoy it.

I am wrapping it up. School concerts are done. I did a bunch of shows. Today, I have a wedding, a mass, and my last playing gig of the year 2016. I have had quite a few longs days of late. Today is another, but this is the last for a bit. I took three extra days off from school to extend my holiday.

I haven’t had a Monday-Friday off since the middle of the summer and I haven’t had weekends off for fourteen years, unless I get myself out of town. This is all my choice. The church job does so much for my family. The playing gigs, too. It’s my choice to create music and film and tv and podcasts and plays. That’s all on me.

However, I am ready to fill up the tank again.

I am purposely going to do nothing.

No film work.

No tv.

No editing of either.

No writing.

No striving.

No Getting Things Done.

I believe it will help.

Normally, when I see time off on the calendar, I fill it with art, with putting something out into the world.

Make no mistake, there is plenty of work to do.

But, I will let it sit.

I will let me sit.

Heads and hearts need filling- mine and my family’s. My friends. All of us.

It will make me better at the art.

It will make me a better friend.

It will make me a better father and husband.

I believe this.

The ambition has not left me.

The ticking of the clock on the time that I have to DO SOMETHING hasn’t stopped. It never will. Well…you know what I mean.

I will be back clearer.

and with smarter intent.

I wish you all a Blessed, Happy, Merry Christmas.

I wish it all for me, too.

A wedding picture because who doesn't love that?

A wedding picture because who doesn’t love that?

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